“They are predators. Every inch of them is just hunger and fury. The energy it must take him every minute not to be like that.”
This description by George of Mitchell and his kind (vampires) made me tear up because I can so identify with that statement. I have always felt misaligned to the evil side, a suffering innocent inside dying to be set free.
In my dichotomous world I waver between hunger to achieve my wildest dream and my fury at it not manifesting, while others are blessed. During my addition years, I certainly preyed on men to get what I needed/wanted without any concern for their well-being. the argument in my head goes like this: It’s not all my fault. If one is concerned for one’s own well-being, they are going to ask questions before engaging in what could be dangerous behavior. Valid or not, I still stand by it.
I don’t live like that anymore. However, my fear of self-exposure keeps me from even trying. This in turn makes me resent those that get it, and I end up hating what I seek the most. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for around two months now and I am no where near addressing the imagined demons that swim around in my head.