Lana Parrilla

“I can’t keep living like this!

Sorry, this is a draft that I forgot to publish. Just as well, this can serve as my first post on this new website. 🙂

What Snow did to me; what she took from me. It’s eating me alive. Her very existence mocks me. She must be punished.

I can so identify with the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) from Once Upon A Time. June has been relegated as Gay Pride Month. I am gay, but I am not proud. If anything, My feelings towards other gays are equal to the Evil Queen’s feelings towards Snow.

Rationally, I admit my lack of good choices and accountability in life corroded my self respect. All I ever wanted in life was a companion to share my life with. Growing up gay; knowing I was different, but now how; and the constant bullying I experienced from others with more sharpened intuition made keeping my secret unbearable.

“What they did to me; what they took from me; it’s eating me alive!”

When I learned I was gay and that there were others I celebrated…right into addiction, irrationality and the whole time I was still hoping, seeking and desiring a companion. Of course my perceptions of what love would be got warped and twisted. My journey into loneliness was only compounded by the fact that being overweight my whole life, I was not the ideal “West Hollywood,” “South Beach” skinny, muscular homo.

“Their very existence mocks me!”

As such, I did not find much to be gay or proud about and continue to mull these dire thoughts.

“I can’t keep living like this!”

I have given up in life. My health has deteriorated over two years and now I am plagued with elder complications. I have no ambition, no friends, and probably insufficient energy for any activities. I just wait to die now and in the meantime, I enjoy the company of my dog, Mojo, with whom I have a pact that we must die at the same time.

We're Here!

Hello world!

Welcome to Dark Room Entertainment, formerly Different From Other Boys, formerly Front Row Center.

I don’t “go” to the movies anymore due to pretentious reserved seating, because it is so damn expensive, and because I don’t do public transportation for anything or anybody. To complicate things, my DVD rental store has closed.

It may be some time before I can review any movies, until I can find a source for streaming, as there are no more rental stores anymore.

In the meantime, being a shut in, there is plenty on television and I have opened up this blog for posts that may do more with something I identify with with during my viewing.

Enjoy!

George describing Mitchell

Being Human: George

“They are predators. Every inch of them is just hunger and fury. The energy it must take him every minute not to be like that.”

~ George
Being Human

This description by George of Mitchell and his kind (vampires) made me tear up because I can so identify with that statement. I have always felt misaligned to the evil side, a suffering innocent inside dying to be set free.

In my dichotomous world I waver between hunger to achieve my wildest dream and my fury at it not manifesting, while others are blessed. During my addition years, I certainly preyed on men to get what I needed/wanted without any concern for their well-being. the argument in my head goes like this: It’s not all my fault. If one is concerned for one’s own well-being, they are going to ask questions before engaging in what could be dangerous behavior. Valid or not, I still stand by it.

I don’t live like that anymore. However, my fear of self-exposure keeps me from even trying. This in turn makes me resent those that get it, and I end up hating what I seek the most. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for around two months now and I am no where near addressing the imagined demons that swim around in my head.

Ghost

Being Human: Annie

“You know the worst thing about being a ghost? It’s lonely. You’ll give anything for that crumb of comfort; that feel of skin against skin that says “It’s okay, I’m here.” It’s a hunger, a most basic instinct. You might even drag others into this world of the dead; even if it means turning them into monsters too.”

~ Being Human
Series 1, Episode 1

Annie begins describing what it’s like to be a ghost and ends with a darker description of a vampire – Spoiler: [highlight to reveal: who later turns out to be her roommate].

My psycho recommended this program to me and I am loving it.

I could so relate to this description. I am that lonely, that desperate. To compound my situation, I’ve been feeling that ever since I was a kid. It has been satisfied twice thrice, successfully, in my life, and to my satisfaction, but never again.

It is what I blame for my drug addiction. So desperate for it; my male persona allowed my female persona to be raped and abused by men, whom I have grown to resent/lust at the same time.

Doubling my sorrow is the fact that I have been the vampire too. I have tried to drag others into my world of dead even if it meant turning them into monsters too. I’m not saying my side of the street is clean, but neither is the victims.

No wonder I am alone.

Logan

Logan (2017)

synopsis

In the near future, a weary Logan cares for an ailing Professor X (Patrick Stewart) in a hide out on the Mexican border. But Logan’s attempts to hide from the world and his legacy are up-ended when a young mutant arrives, being pursued by dark forces.

~ Logan Movie Website

review

I have a bone to pick with my nephew and his “great” review. I thought it was okay at best when the fourth generation x-men (?) can barely exert their powers to defend, and at only one percent of Laura’s (Dafne Keen) strength? There was another sore point for me…

…was it the obviously defeatist way the x-men story has some to a close, only to learn that an adamantium bullet would’ve killed Logan (Hugh Jackman) despite his lack of will?

Oh, yes! If fifth generation x-man (?, the “bad guy”) was so impervious, why was there only one?

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty And The Beast (2017)

synopsis

An adaptation of the fairy tale about a monstrous-looking prince and a young woman who fall in love.

~ Internet Movie Database

review

I connected with the beast primarily for the exact same reasons; and with Belle for being different. All this connecting allowed me to become vulnerable during the movie and feeling the entire sadness of this tale, which I never realized before.

I loved the music! Big, grand and showtuny!

Dan Stevens (The Beast) was hot without all the make up, though with the make up he was just as hot! I find Emma Watson very attractive. Gaston was kind of hot too. I loved that one scene shot of his “gun” during his musical performance, which did not seem very “Disney.”

Kubo and the Two Strings

Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)

synopsis

A young boy named Kubo must locate a magical suit of armour worn by his late father in order to defeat a vengeful spirit from the past.

~ Internet Movie Dababase

review

Awesome animation. Being a fan of all things Asian, I enjoyed the movie with additional enthusiasm, especially the intimate connection to origami.

I found the premise of souls visiting their living family very similar to my Mexican tradition of día de los muertos. However, I just had a conversation about death with my cousin and I now believe in a physical life and a completely separate spiritual life; my soul will not remember my physical life…what’s the point? My views on death are now very pedestrian: we become worm food.

Visual candy and nice heart-warming story.

Intensity

Intensity (1997)

synopsis

Chyna Shepherd is a twenty-six-year-old psychology student who survived an extremely troubled past. While visiting Laura Templeton’s house, a farm in the Napa Valley, a serial killer named Edgler Foreman Vess breaks into the house, taking Laura and killing her parents. Chyna survives and manages to follow him. In doing so, she learns of Vess’s captive: a young, innocent girl, Ariel, trapped in Vess’s home far from the Napa Valley. Chyna feels a great sense of responsibility for this girl, and she travels deeper into her nightmare.

~ Mike Yagnow @ IMDb

review

Happened to catch this while flipping channels the other day. I definitely remember reading the book, but had no memory about the story; was not even aware it had been made a (television) movie!

I got into it pretty quickly, grateful I had just caught the beginning which refreshed my memory for the rest of the story, which was pretty intense, albeit filled with stupid decisions…of course. I was not sure if it was the editing for television (in the time allotted – 3 hours!), but it seemed like a couple of event’s went unexplained, sloppiness one would expect with television production.

John was looking freaking hot and very psychopathic!

Come Back, Little Sheba

Come Back, Little Sheba (1952)

synopsis

An emotionally remote recovering alcoholic and his dowdy, unambitious wife face a personal crisis when they take in an attractive lodger.

~ Internet Movie Database

review

I could not believe my luck when I turned on the television and this movie had just begun. Along with my long time desire to see this movie, I was pleased to learn it touched on alcoholism and starred Shirley Booth.

As a former anonymous member, I took issue with the use of last names in the meeting, though within the meeting it would be acceptable. I did LOVE how the birthdays were celebrated…No Singing!

Unfortunately, my knee went out on me during pivotal point before Doc (Burt Lancaster) “goes out” again, so I missed the “reason,” though I suspect it had something to do with his attraction to Marie. The ending of the movie is very telling of a relationship between and alcoholic and a family member. Shirley Booth was perfect for the role of Lola, capturing the loneliness of her character perfectly. Apparently, Shirley Booth won an Academy Award for Best Actress.

I even loved the huge house with the front porch!

Code Name: The Cleaner

Code Name: the Cleaner (2007)

synopsis

Cedric the Entertainer plays Jake, a seemingly regular guy who has no idea who he is after being hit over the head by mysterious assailants; when he finds himself entangled in a government conspiracy, Jake and his pursuers become convinced that he is an undercover agent.

~ Internet Movie Database

review

Laugh out loud hilarious, but just as silly and convoluted.

“Dutch chocolate!” 😀