The Big Lebowski

The Big Lebowski (1998)

synopsis

“The Dude” Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.

~ Internet Movie Database

this boy’s perspective

I had heard good things about this movie for many moon. I finally was able to stream it online for FREE!

WOW!

I laughed so hard during so many scenes once John Goodman came into the picture. He and Jeff Bridges played extremely well off each other…and then throw Steve Buscemi in and those three-way conversations had me roaring. I could identify with many of the lead characters’ attitudes which made it twice as relatable to me. The denouement: my family was a bowling family…NOSTALGIA! Yet, all the hilarity, I was brought to tears with emotion, as well.

The soundtrack was phenomenal…most stuff I had never heard before. Already found my favorite – Lujon by Henry Mancini – and downloaded it.

An experience.

Coincidence or Irony? The movie got better/funnier after my “green” medication arrived.

Now I understand how this has become a cult movie.

Being Human: Season 3, Episode 2: Adam's Family

Being Human: Season 3, Episode 2: Adam’s Family

I was going to sit down and resume viewing of Being Human when I realized, I could identify with this scene:

Preface: Adam is a known vampire to his family who have supported his hunger in secret.

Fast Forward: Adam is discovered by Nina and George, caught feeding off his dying dad.  They take him home, hoping Mitchell can mentor the young vampire. Mitchell declines due to unnecessary bad influences a young vampire may present. As expected, Adam can deny his hunger and attempts to kill a young teen. His attempt is thwarted by Nina. Before leaving Nina, George and Mitchell, he is given advice by Mitchell to find people better than him.

End: Adam turns down an open invitation to feed on the same young girl, but declines, stating “No, this isn’t what I want. You’re not what I need.”

I just realized I had the same experience during my last debauchery. I had hired a prostitute for sex and drugs. While he was out making a run, I was contacting another prostitute for even more debauchery. When prostitute two arrived – during prostitute one’s absence – I was not keen to his vibe, immediately realized I was paying him to service him, stood up and told him to leave because this was not right. Yes, I paid him anyway.

In conjunction with my last psychology visit, I was emphasizing that I was reaching a point where I was not enjoying therapy anymore. My psychologist suggested decreasing our visits to bi-weekly and I immediately agreed. I also made it clear that I felt I had talked enough; I wanted action now to get better.

Having seen the ending of Being Human again, I see my progress. I am probably making the next step more complicated than it is. Logically, I just need to keep doing the same thing until Mr. Right comes along, though I’ll settle for Mr. Right Now also.

Being Human: Season 3, Episode 2: Adam's Family

Being Human Season 3, Episode 2: Adam’s Family

Even the title of the episode is tongue-in-cheek! God, I love English humor, drama, and I have even begun to see the allure of English men.

Adam (Craig Roberts): “I mean, the craving will come back, though, so how do i fight it?”

Mitchell (Aidan Turner): “You surround yourself with good people; that’s what you do. you find someone better than you because then when you fail, you have to deal with their disappointment, and that’s what keeps you true.”

I have never found “someone better than me” or at least would even admit there IS someone better than me!

Seriously, that is the man I crave, to put me on the right track, to positively influence me. The other part of me that I have felt has been missing my entire life…and because of that I turned into a debauched, curmudgeonly king – in other words: a bitter, old queen! I am trying to turn back – I have the celibacy angle kicked, being impotent and unattractive – trying to surround myself with good people, but then logic kicks in and says “At fifty-four and in my state, what’s the point?

That’s the selfish truth.

What about me? How many times have I though that in my life? Is anyone keeping track?

My minds drifts…

Premature

So, it appears that my decision to create this blog was premature, as about a month later my DVD rental store closed.

I AM DEVASTATED!

How am I supposed to get movies to watch anymore? No, I will not go to the theater anymore because of the stupid-ass assigned seating. Fucking ridiculous. Twice I was sitting in my Front Row Center seat in an empty theater and someone came and sat down right next to me…talk about passive aggressive!

Anyway, people keep recommending Redbox, but I don’t have transportation, so I am hesitant about returning DVDs in a timely fashion.

My, apparently, rich nephew touts Apple TV. I don’t have that kind of money; they don’t even post the price on their website!

So without any access to movie entertainment, this blog seems premature and a waste of money. Yes, there is still television, but when I miss a show, I hate that I can’t watch it on a broadcast television station’s website the next day without having to sign in with a paid television subscription service: Marvel’s Inhumans on ABC! Bastards!

Lana Parrilla

“I can’t keep living like this!

Sorry, this is a draft that I forgot to publish. Just as well, this can serve as my first post on this new website. 🙂

What Snow did to me; what she took from me. It’s eating me alive. Her very existence mocks me. She must be punished.

I can so identify with the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) from Once Upon A Time. June has been relegated as Gay Pride Month. I am gay, but I am not proud. If anything, My feelings towards other gays are equal to the Evil Queen’s feelings towards Snow.

Rationally, I admit my lack of good choices and accountability in life corroded my self respect. All I ever wanted in life was a companion to share my life with. Growing up gay; knowing I was different, but now how; and the constant bullying I experienced from others with more sharpened intuition made keeping my secret unbearable.

“What they did to me; what they took from me; it’s eating me alive!”

When I learned I was gay and that there were others I celebrated…right into addiction, irrationality and the whole time I was still hoping, seeking and desiring a companion. Of course my perceptions of what love would be got warped and twisted. My journey into loneliness was only compounded by the fact that being overweight my whole life, I was not the ideal “West Hollywood,” “South Beach” skinny, muscular homo.

“Their very existence mocks me!”

As such, I did not find much to be gay or proud about and continue to mull these dire thoughts.

“I can’t keep living like this!”

I have given up in life. My health has deteriorated over two years and now I am plagued with elder complications. I have no ambition, no friends, and probably insufficient energy for any activities. I just wait to die now and in the meantime, I enjoy the company of my dog, Mojo, with whom I have a pact that we must die at the same time.

We're Here!

Hello world!

Welcome to Dark Room Entertainment, formerly Different From Other Boys, formerly Front Row Center.

I don’t “go” to the movies anymore due to pretentious reserved seating, because it is so damn expensive, and because I don’t do public transportation for anything or anybody. To complicate things, my DVD rental store has closed.

It may be some time before I can review any movies, until I can find a source for streaming, as there are no more rental stores anymore.

In the meantime, being a shut in, there is plenty on television and I have opened up this blog for posts that may do more with something I identify with with during my viewing.

Enjoy!

George describing Mitchell

Being Human: George

“They are predators. Every inch of them is just hunger and fury. The energy it must take him every minute not to be like that.”

~ George
Being Human

This description by George of Mitchell and his kind (vampires) made me tear up because I can so identify with that statement. I have always felt misaligned to the evil side, a suffering innocent inside dying to be set free.

In my dichotomous world I waver between hunger to achieve my wildest dream and my fury at it not manifesting, while others are blessed. During my addition years, I certainly preyed on men to get what I needed/wanted without any concern for their well-being. the argument in my head goes like this: It’s not all my fault. If one is concerned for one’s own well-being, they are going to ask questions before engaging in what could be dangerous behavior. Valid or not, I still stand by it.

I don’t live like that anymore. However, my fear of self-exposure keeps me from even trying. This in turn makes me resent those that get it, and I end up hating what I seek the most. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for around two months now and I am no where near addressing the imagined demons that swim around in my head.

Ghost

Being Human: Annie

“You know the worst thing about being a ghost? It’s lonely. You’ll give anything for that crumb of comfort; that feel of skin against skin that says “It’s okay, I’m here.” It’s a hunger, a most basic instinct. You might even drag others into this world of the dead; even if it means turning them into monsters too.”

~ Being Human
Series 1, Episode 1

Annie begins describing what it’s like to be a ghost and ends with a darker description of a vampire – Spoiler: [highlight to reveal: who later turns out to be her roommate].

My psycho recommended this program to me and I am loving it.

I could so relate to this description. I am that lonely, that desperate. To compound my situation, I’ve been feeling that ever since I was a kid. It has been satisfied twice thrice, successfully, in my life, and to my satisfaction, but never again.

It is what I blame for my drug addiction. So desperate for it; my male persona allowed my female persona to be raped and abused by men, whom I have grown to resent/lust at the same time.

Doubling my sorrow is the fact that I have been the vampire too. I have tried to drag others into my world of dead even if it meant turning them into monsters too. I’m not saying my side of the street is clean, but neither is the victims.

No wonder I am alone.

Logan

Logan (2017)

synopsis

In the near future, a weary Logan cares for an ailing Professor X (Patrick Stewart) in a hide out on the Mexican border. But Logan’s attempts to hide from the world and his legacy are up-ended when a young mutant arrives, being pursued by dark forces.

~ Logan Movie Website

review

I have a bone to pick with my nephew and his “great” review. I thought it was okay at best when the fourth generation x-men (?) can barely exert their powers to defend, and at only one percent of Laura’s (Dafne Keen) strength? There was another sore point for me…

…was it the obviously defeatist way the x-men story has some to a close, only to learn that an adamantium bullet would’ve killed Logan (Hugh Jackman) despite his lack of will?

Oh, yes! If fifth generation x-man (?, the “bad guy”) was so impervious, why was there only one?

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty And The Beast (2017)

synopsis

An adaptation of the fairy tale about a monstrous-looking prince and a young woman who fall in love.

~ Internet Movie Database

review

I connected with the beast primarily for the exact same reasons; and with Belle for being different. All this connecting allowed me to become vulnerable during the movie and feeling the entire sadness of this tale, which I never realized before.

I loved the music! Big, grand and showtuny!

Dan Stevens (The Beast) was hot without all the make up, though with the make up he was just as hot! I find Emma Watson very attractive. Gaston was kind of hot too. I loved that one scene shot of his “gun” during his musical performance, which did not seem very “Disney.”