Sorry, this is a draft that I forgot to publish. Just as well, this can serve as my first post on this new website. 🙂
What Snow did to me; what she took from me. It’s eating me alive. Her very existence mocks me. She must be punished.
I can so identify with the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) from Once Upon A Time. June has been relegated as Gay Pride Month. I am gay, but I am not proud. If anything, My feelings towards other gays are equal to the Evil Queen’s feelings towards Snow.
Rationally, I admit my lack of good choices and accountability in life corroded my self respect. All I ever wanted in life was a companion to share my life with. Growing up gay; knowing I was different, but now how; and the constant bullying I experienced from others with more sharpened intuition made keeping my secret unbearable.
“What they did to me; what they took from me; it’s eating me alive!”
When I learned I was gay and that there were others I celebrated…right into addiction, irrationality and the whole time I was still hoping, seeking and desiring a companion. Of course my perceptions of what love would be got warped and twisted. My journey into loneliness was only compounded by the fact that being overweight my whole life, I was not the ideal “West Hollywood,” “South Beach” skinny, muscular homo.
“Their very existence mocks me!”
As such, I did not find much to be gay or proud about and continue to mull these dire thoughts.
“I can’t keep living like this!”
I have given up in life. My health has deteriorated over two years and now I am plagued with elder complications. I have no ambition, no friends, and probably insufficient energy for any activities. I just wait to die now and in the meantime, I enjoy the company of my dog, Mojo, with whom I have a pact that we must die at the same time.